The One that Came Before

Could be true or false. Fuck you.

These days just about every single routine I've ever had in my life has changed. I'm still trying to figure out balance. i'm still trying to figure out when to sleep, when to eat... kind of the basic routines on how to live. Now it's getting cold, which usually means that my foot goes numb cold and is really uncomfortable for most of the winter. Which though, is a yearly routine that is something that is going to change as well.

My new morning routine consists of waking up, taking my medicine while listening to music and closing my eyes for my morning meditation. Technology has helped my music knowledge, because my laziness and lack of desire to go to huge events by myself has prevented me from getting the fullness of what I do crave. When I listen to music and close my eyes to try and drop down into the void where nothing exists I sometimes let go of feelings that I cling onto too tightly. At least it loosens my grip up enough to see things more clearly, like loosening a tense face that closes your eyes to know that I don't have to live suffering anymore, with anything in my life or anything that we as people smile through in our lives telling ourselves, "we can do it", or "grit builds character", or any of the other falsehoods we lead ourselves to believe.

These days, my belief--I'm going to be happy. I'm going to be healthy. I'm going to make decisions in my life, not based on other people, but based on the way I feel about situations, even if they involve other people. It sounds a bit selfish, but I realized long ago that if you try to light others' candles with your match, you only get to light a few. If you light your candle with your match, you can light just about as many candles as you like. And my life is going to be based on lighting as many candles as I can. I am in the stages to do so now.

So, in my meditation a few weeks ago, I realized that I don't have to live with a numb foot all winter. It was so obvious that that forest smacked me across the face for focusing on a single fucking tree--my jobs now are mobile, and although I would never want to do UBER, my teaching jobs can be done from anywhere. January though is winter vacation for China and other places in the world, which means work is abundant. I don't have to look at it as a holiday. I can look at it as a different location to work with an expensive ride to get to new, said location.

So Philippines this winter. Stoked. I've been meeting really cool people and getting some good information. And when I get back, my new course. I'm going to shed all of this shit that is festering in my heart. Get it stripped down to the bare bones of my existence, or get as close to it as I can as I am studying to be a Buddhist practioner and teacher/healer in a course I will talk about later. 2017 has been the utter and worst year of my life, but it taught me one thing that I forgot--that I can do anything I want, because I learned the fortitude to do so through many challenges in my life. This was taught to me by my father. To make a goal, just make a goal and learn to work towards it. Climb mountains, get that job, dive that ocean in the world, fly through that sky in the world... Through my course, I'm going to learn how to teach people how to do the same. Because that's what Buddhism is truly about--happiness. Learning how to find it and how to keep it.

Hovercab Diaries

As always, fact or fiction. Who knows? That's rhetorical.

Had my longest ride in Uhover today. 1 hour, 22 minutes on a single ride. When we got to our destination in the middle of nowhere we were so far gone, that my phone lost service. Needless to say we got lost. It was a huge ride, one that I would normally invite and love getting lost in, only to make more money. However the man, unbeknownst to himself, was a racist. I did my best to only listen. I chimed in when asked, and then asked questions when I didn’t agree with him. Towards the end of it I felt good because he slowly started to say, “I’ve never thought about it like that way” and even sounded surprised saying ”really, is that true?” To contradicting points he made about facts that felt as if they were passed down by rumor. That felt good. We got to the pin where I was supposed to drop him, but his boss didn’t know the code for the gate. So after about 5 minutes of him talking on the phone and me standing outside of the car. He informed me it would take more time. I got back in not wanting to just drop him out in the middle of nowhere, but after a few minutes he went back to unwittingly being a racist, I pulled the chute, said I had a Dr’s appointment and hoped he got where he needed fast. I think I peeled away screeching the tires feeling that good feeling drizzle away as my sadistic smile bore sunlight knowing that he was going to have to climb a fence and walk to his truck in a pasture full of cow shit.


As always, could be fact or fiction. You decide, or don't muthafucka.

I picked up a blind person today. I think it was Uber, maybe Lyft. Pretty sure Uber. She had a walking stick for the seeing impaired in her hands and was staring out into the distance and had the biggest smile on her face. As soon as she opened my door I knew she was different than any other blind person that I've seen before. Let me explain--I didn't see her as blind, I saw her as gifted. I've never felt sorry for anyone that has been deaf, dumb, blind, or any sort of physical disability. I won the volunteer award and scholarship in my high school the year I graduated for working with kids with Down Syndrome and physical disabilities, so I believe that through those experiences it has taught me that everyone has something to teach someone. There are only a few people though in my life that I have seen as gifted. I don't mean just people that are challenged in this way, I mean everyone. Out of everyone I've ever met in my life I've only met a few people that are truly gifted. That get life. The Dalai Llama for one. When I first saw her, I couldn't stop looking at her face, and only when she got into my car did I notice that she was blind and did, in fact, have a walking stick. I didn't notice it at all when I first saw her. I've never had anyone in my car make me feel so good with the things she said and how she said them. She was appreciative of everything, and I caught her, in the rearview mirror closing her eyes and breathing in life, like as if she was on stage and won an award, but she was just staring out the window without the ability to even stare. She kept being appreciative of everything when we talked. She wouldn't stop. It was overwhelming and I got thoughts in my head that put a damn tear in my eye, for realz. Just wanted to say that I appreciate you guys, Paul and Adam. Great talk last night. Miss you boys. Graduate from Pp school with honors. 

An Angry Apology

As always, what is written in this blog is either fact, fiction, or a glitch in the Matrix, which I guess would be considered fact too.

I love comics. Why? Because I understand Stan Lee and because I'm angry. In my life right now I'm angry. I'm angry for a lot of reasons. One reason is the kind of meditation I have been going through on the preparation for my Buddhist course next year is trodding up lots of old memories. Combined with the new memories that are happening right now, angry that someone I want away from my life is still pulling the marionette strings of my life. I recently left a place, a place where I had a lot of friends. I lied to them about why I was leaving. I lied to protect someone that I knew I had to walk away from, but loved anyways. In the end, even though I did so to protect them, I got proverbial fucked in the end anyways. To my friends out there, you know who you are--I'm sorry I lied, but it was an agreement with someone else. Why do I love comics so much though, you ask? Because right now I'm tearing up into The Punisher on Netflix. It is giving me comfort because as I go deeper into myself on the path I'm taking, I'm slowly alleviating all of this anger and stress. I'm watching The Hulk smash, I'm watching Batman punch and kick, I'm watching the bad guys destroy. And then I'm watching The Punisher have a sentimental moment, I'm watching Hulk turn back into Bruce Banner (David? no?), I'm watching Batman teach Robin a valuable lesson. And then I'm calm. And I'm laughing. The Punisher had me laughing today at Frank's face when he was denied a sandwich in the van. I'm proud to say that I'm in my 40's and I love comics. I now make comics. I'm very proud about my comic love. It does help me want to be a better person.

They still know how to make LSD

As always, what you read in this blog is probably fiction, maybe fact, don't remember what it was occifer.


A digital relic was discovered in a cave outside the New Territories. It had a chemical structure never seen before. Before The Hack erased all files across the world I'm sure that it was named.

We brought the digital relic back to our lab. A day away and crawnies had taken it over. They were everywhere. Legs shed in all corners of the room and a smell that took over a week to vent, and multiple rituals of green before it was sanctified.

We didn't have the tools to start, so we had to make them. That took some time. Digital relics that date before The Hack had to be turned in to Amen outposts at any Quadrant pass, so you can imagine what it was like sneaking in the tools and chemicals we needed. 

I ventured to the city on a lave jumper. I ate a decent dinner, and I took it on Broadway, where everyone but a pure Halfling goes. I didn't know what it was at first, but during my morning mediation, The Life Force, The Energy instructed me to continue with the feelings I had inside. It instructed me to put it under my tongue. It didn't take long for it to take effect. 

My body felt floating, but I felt connected to everything, like the roots of the earth to the ground, like I do when I speak to The Life Force, The Energy. But it got to be overwhelming. It got to be where I felt everything, all at once. The music was blaring, the beings were dancing and the energy I felt in the room felt like a tidal wave over my heart. I felt only happiness in the room, and I questioned that, and it made me sad. I went outside, paused on the street that had just been raised. Wheel buses were allowed on them now and I sat and stared at something that I was still getting used to. No one could still figure out how to stop the Earth from shifting under us. They even built a noise reverberator to muffle the quake noises, so I sat there watching the being pass, still avoidant to make eye contact or talk for fear of being reported. 

I watched a beggar on the street. The Z chromosome had bent his pliable bones into a curve and left him permanently helpless to run. He looked like the last brain helmet had done him in. He ate food out of box that was already half eaten by another being that had either given it to him or left it. No way that he could run a ploy on any being in that condition. A being that plays that con can only hold their bones in place for 30 seconds in that position before they start to shake. No, it was the brain helmet that crippled him. Probably malfunctioned when he was in that position and fried him. A common problem not worthy of being fixed by the Amen. 

I sat there and watched him out of the corner of my eye. Even he could turn me in for a profit and I wasn't willing to get caught with a digital file's chemistry in my brain. I closed my eyes and connected myself to him without a mind link. I never thought that was possible. 

The 428 won't stop. I waited for a wheel taxi that had a 4.28 rating to pick me up, but my console froze in the frequency burst from the opening doors from one of the only places we could still speak in the city. He never called to see where I was, only sat there hoping to make the 3000 rallods if I didn't show. I was going further away and the moment was surging, so he missed out on bigger payout. My account was charged, and registered in the data base. Too many no shows on simple things like will get Acommanders knocking on your door, but I didn't care. I was free in my body and in my mind, able to set up a mind link without any response from any other being. 

So I sat on the street for another hour watching jisquers who were transformed into giants pick on beings who got the small side of the Z chromosome. In this Quadrant beings engaging in such a way still was legal. The human side of me wanted to intervene. The Wanderer in me got a direct line from The Life Force, the Energy. Now that The 420 Woman taught me how to tap in to its direct line, it leads me and on that night I was instructed not to engage. 

I rode out of the city and then switched to a hover taxi when the raised road ended. They were all there waiting in a line like croandas that wait to pounce on zepondias that cross nuprene streams. It was all beautiful. My body radiated in waves of colors I've never seen before on any color chart on any Amen language ever. I felt the colors. 

The lava shimmered as I went across. It was translucent in places, iridescent in others, and at one point, I could see right through it and down it, like a camera in a vein, all the way to the Queen's lair under the ground. It gave me something in that moment. 

I caught a picture in the settlement's community tent. The Knife Runner 2504. It didn't even occur to me that it was A-428 years. I cried in my hammock that night and when I was done it felt as if a weight was lifted from my back. I slept for 10 hours, which I hadn't for weeks. I woke up and felt weightless in my mind. It was then that I knew how I was going to beat them.

Lest, we forget...

Whatever you read in this blog is neither fact or fiction. It is nothing but bullshit that only should be appreciated for entertainment.


The writing on the wall. 

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster... and if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.  ~Mark Twain

We must not forget why we fight. We must capture random moments of joy and hold onto them, no matter how long they last and occupy our minds and our hearts with what there is to lose to Them. That in and of itself is protection. ~The Book of Edgar 

Roger that 421

As always, fact or fiction, I'll never say. Not to decide, just to enjoy.

The signal came in. It was loud and clear, and it came in the moment before HQ radioed down.

"You are in line," crackled out of the earpiece.

"I know. Not next in line, but I'm in line."

"Do you know your assignment?"

"Now it is loud and clear. The signal came in."

"How can you interpret it?"

"I've done this before."

You don't have to be scared

This blog is a combination of fictional stories and real events. You can decide which one is which, or not. 

A-224. Quadrant 69

Out into the village last night. They were all around me and they were whispering. They've been around me all weekend. Whispers of "approaching him in a bar" "We have to tell him" "He can do it". It was nice. I can easily see people now who are in this. I say to all of you, if you are going to come and do it, come and do it. The answer, the reason, does not matter anymore. Obviously, there is a job to do. We have a task. I'm pretty sure you are not hostile towards me anymore or have bad intentions, although I am skeptical of all of this already. 

Whatever the truth is: I'm already a slave, I'm going to die, I'm an alien, I'm an alien experiment, it really doesn't matter any more. I'm giving you the green light. I'm open. I'm here, but I'm not making the first move. You know I can't. I have a list of things I can't do, any of which you ask me, then I will already know that whatever this is, is only in my head. If you ask me certain questions, request me to do some things, or tell me some really big no-no's, then I'll know to check myself in to the clinic. You know what those things are.

There is a first time for everything...

Good morning~! These days, I wake up at 3:30 in the morning to teach Chinese students online! Today I had a student sitting at his desk! The screen went dark, which does occasionally. It came back on and said student had taken his cell phone into the bathroom for a poop and decided to show it to me. Awesome man, but I do have some suggestions on how to wipe your ass better. Now I don't need a cup of coffee to wake up or a bottle of Ipecac to start my bulimia regiment. Thanks bud!