I am Edgar Phillipe.
In the process of my travels to Earth, I developed an obsession for weed. After the long space ride through galaxies, wormholes, rides on asteroids, I had nothing to do but study, and I took a huge interest in what your planet calls “weed.” On my planet, it is called kibō, otherwise known as “hope”. And now that I am here, on Earth, and have traveled around extensively, I can share some of the things that I have learned about your planet. I don’t know why I haven’t done it sooner. And They are coming.
Just to know: I shall not reveal the name of any dealers, pimps, or individuals that I might score from. Their anonymity is as sacred to me as it is to them. I do not know who is writing me for information; could be an eager, meager detective hoping to get another stripe, or a dumbass who doesn’t know how to keep their mouth shut. I shall only reveal establishments or locations where you may be able to get it… locations change/establishments close. It might just depend on the decade. Be that as it may, I will still point you in the right direction. As always, don’t look like a dumbass, act like a dumbass, or treat those you are dealing with like dumbasses, and you won’t go against the unwritten, unmentioned code about buying kibō abroad.
First of all, if you’re in the land of Shiva loving religious folk, just because you’re sharing territory with the God known as “The Destroyer” who adorns a cobra and a ganja leaf in depictions of him, don’t assume you’ll get a reprieve from the law. Cops target foreigners in certain places because it makes their pockets heavier with rupees. Still keep your wits about you, DO Not smoke in public. Find a nice rooftop or balcony to enjoy scenes of the Ganges or a sunset over the Himalayas. Places like Goa are still relaxed about it, but that is because a lot of the town’s tourism is built around the hippie vibe.
However strict they are with smoking laws, just as the hangup of most countries when it comes to smoking, consuming it as food is perfectly acceptable. Half of the bankers of India wouldn’t be able to function if there weren’t for weed-infused lassi shops, which are pretty available in most big cities and towns. Like most third world nations, asking a tuk-tuk driver will get you on your way to one and if they know what you are looking for legally at the lassi shop, they are most certainly going to ask you if you want the combustible form of kibō as well. After all, hope is synonymous with kibō.
Buying it in Varanasi is easy! if you’re looking to buy weed in India, score 420 in India, buy ganja, smoke marijuana in India, or however you call it in Varanasi or ANY riverside town, all one needs to do is walk along the river. Take some time to soak in the clichéd scenes of cremation, cows taking shits in the river, and old Indian men bathing, all of which could fit in the frame of one picture. You will have every other person in tourist towns asking if you want some green goodness. I wanted an upgrade with a little more punch, so I told my guy that I would sit and wait for a nice ball of kibbie, brown and brittle, sticky icky goodness that didn’t cost anything more than about $20. Most of the brown kibbie comes from Nepal where it can be seen growing on the side of the road and is thus made by the sticky-handed individuals that make most of their yearly salary from its euphoric goodness. Again, when going out, don’t take your passport with you, don’t put all of your money into one pocket—bunched up in socks, multi-pocketed wads, and backpack laden wallets mixed up are always the best. When buying in countries like this, I always make sure to have enough money to throw down for an on-the-spot bribe to buy myself out of a ride to any police station. My go-getter eventually came back with a ball that was large enough to consume for hours and even weeks on end, and i paid no more than $18 US. Cheap and easy there.
I took a ride out on the Ganges in a private boat. I thought it was going to be easy to strike up a joint on the river away from everyone, but I was still warned by my friend that cops were known to sit atop cafes with binoculars scanning for anyone doing anything shady in boats crisscrossing the river. It was the dry season, so there were a ton of little side stands set up in the little sand dune in the center, so my boatman was happily driving me across, and slurping up Ganges’ water to quench his thirst as we drove, which I couldn’t believe.
Quality isn’t the best I found out, but if you share space with other foreigners who have been around the block, you are sure to find someone that has a contact to get better flowers elsewhere.
Varanasi WEED QUALITY: 2/5
Hash Quality: 4.5/5