I am Edgar Phillipe.
In the process of my travels to Earth, I developed an obsession for weed. After the long space ride through galaxies, wormholes, rides on asteroids, I had nothing to do but study, and I took a huge interest in what your planet calls “weed.” On my planet it is called kibō. And now that I am here, on Earth, and have traveled around extensively, I can share some of the things that I have learned about your planet. I don’t know why I haven’t done it sooner.
Just to know: I shall not reveal the name of any dealers, pimps, or individuals that I might score from. Their anonymity is as sacred to me as it is to them. I do not know who is writing me for information; could be an eager, meager detective hoping to get another stripe, or a dumbass who doesn’t know how to keep their mouth shut. I shall only reveal establishments or locations where you may be able to get it… locations change/establishments close, and now that I am sitting on my favorite street in Bangkok, I see that one of my previous journals might not be valid anymore for the “where”. Be that as it may, I will still point you in the right direction. As always, don’t look like a dumbass, act like a dumbass, or treat those you are dealing with like dumbasses, and you won’t go against the unwritten, unmentioned code about buying kibō abroad.
Colombo
Probably one of the dirtiest places outside of India I’ve ever experienced, where I was literally standing in a few centimeters of shit-filled water in the central bus station’s bathroom; however, I didn’t mind because I had a pocketful of kibō. When you got that, you could be hip deep in shit, even up to your chin in shit and it would still be a good day.
Walk up to the tuk-tuk drivers, not one of them, but the group of them during the day, not at night across the street from Majestic City mall in Colombo. MC is right next to the train tracks, right next to the coast. A beautiful view with ship wrecks right off the coast, where you’ll see the cliché scene of a thousand people riding on top and hanging off the dilapidated train heading South to destinations unknown.
When you walk up, speak this phrase
“Ganja tienawada?”—Do you have ganja?
“Mama ganja bonna ona.”—I want to smoke ganja.
They’re going to speak back to you in Sinhalese, and if you can’t understand it, come back
“Mata terennai, namot ganja bonna ona.”—I don’t understand, but I want to smoke ganja.
Not only will they get a kick out of it, but if you ask them in a group, surely one of them will be able to take you to “the place” hidden among the backstreets of Colombo. I’ve always done this, and have never NOT scored from these guys. Not the best quality, but you’re not going to find any good quality around Sri Lanka, unless you know a guy, who knows a guy, who got some seeds from a guy from Europe or BC and grew a private plant in his backyard. I’ve had that happen before, but that was only after living in Sri Lanka building Jack’s Place in Kataragama for 8 months at the time. Maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll tell you about the time I almost got arrested in Kandy about 3 days after an assassination of one of the highest government officials in 2005. But that’s for a different tail/tale.
Make sure to have enough small bills because you’re not going to get change for any big bills if you give them to the tuk-tuk man, and don’t keep your money all together. Carry it in a bunch of different pockets, and look as disorganized as you can when handling your money, disorganized In the sense that you’re taking your time finding anything. Trust me, it’s a Sri Lanka thing. If they see you have money readily available, they’re going to ask you for more, just because, cigarettes too, because in Sri Lanka, if you have something it is perfectly acceptable for someone to ask you for it, and if you’re Sri Lankan, you can’t say “no” when asked for anything. There really isn’t the word “no” in Sinhalese, just skillful speakers that know how to dance around the issue if they have something they don’t want to give. “Nai”—I don’t have it. Or “Nai, neh.”—even better, which really means I REALLY don’t have it. But also, if you answer really quickly with a small noticeable air in your voice it can be interpreted as I have it, but it isn’t something you’re going to get from me, so fuck off.
Learn the pronunciation of these phrases because the more authentic you sound, the easier it will be to score. Same goes for them, if you ask them of something, culturally, they are kind of required to give it to you, more so if you sound like you’ve been around Sri Lanka for awhile. I haven’t bought there in a minute, but at the time it was about 1000 rupees for 10 spliffs.
Hikkaduwa
If you’re around the Hikkaduwa area, steer clear of the beach. DON’T try to score around there. Chances are you’re going to get ripped off, get bad quality, and the guy is going to try to follow you around whenever he sees you trying to sell you more. And that has happened to me too. Any beach rather, but Hikkaduwa for sure since it is one of the more touristy spots.
But if you’d like to travel all the way to Jack’s Place in Kataragama, Sri Lanka, the place a bunch of us built with our bare hands and sweat to mix the cement, you can ask whoever is running the place that day and they’ll happily score some kibō for you. Go up the long red ladder at the back of the property and have a puff in my tree house while watching the mountains. Piss me off and have a sleep in it (piss me off because I haven’t slept in it yet).
Ella
Cafe One Love Rasta bar. Great people. I was able to smoke right at the table, but this was years ago. Best to do what nature intended—use your eyes to assess, ears to listen, nose to smell for any kibō, and your mouth to ask if it’s ok to smoke at the table.