To the beings...

These writing are neither fact, nor fiction, nor who gives a shit.

To the beings that found me, or that I have found. I have not given up on you, on us. 

You scared me. To think that my life has been swayed by outside forces other than my God is both disconcerting and horrifying. Thinking that you can make jokes as you tamper with people's lives makes me angry to think how you can use words like "empathy" and "compassion". But I see that you are not unlike "us", just upgraded in your forms. 

Now I have a feeling of responsibility that weighs me down, depresses me. Anger and guilt flood my emotions and I don't know how to get around them. I'm lost in my efforts because I don't know how the universe can give me such a compliment, but be so demanding at the same time. Your demands are not seen as "compassionate" or "empathetic". I did not ask for this life, but have to live it. I did not ask for this responsibility, but have to manage it. I did not ask to be ridiculed by you as you watch down over me, yet I have to endure it. For everything you have seen and known about me, I would've thought as "compassionate" and "empathetic" beings you would've approached with less power, more heart; but again, you are not unlike "us". Impatient with your needs and wants, emotional when you don't have them fulfilled. 

I have not given up on you, I just need space to think and heal from the rollercoaster you have put me on. And now, I have to make decisions about my life that need to steer my task in the right direction. Because according to you, "I know." I have known for as long as I can remember, yet I need to live my life at the same time and not forget what it is we are fighting for. It is the same fight, but not forgotten. Even though you have slowed my plan assuming you knew me.

I just feel hurt at the duress you have put me through to get us to where we are. I would've thought that "more intelligent" life would be wiser with their actions,  but I assumed too much. You are just like "us".