Life

Irreparable

Q9

Or is it? 

I am Edgar Phillipe.

I sit here and write to a universe that doesn't respond in the same language. You are shallow and want to be deep. You are calculating, but callous. You are manipulative but mundane. 

Yet, I feel it's enough with the insults. I'm trying to get past that, but you won't let me relax or forget. I appreciate that. No, really I do. There are benefits to being the Chosen One. Or... the one chosen... or, the chosen fool. I must cure my anger and hate, clear myself of the shit-stained heart I have. Because when I think of it, I think of you. And I'm angry. Strike me down if you like. You apparently have full reign (as of now) of our planet, but for me to catch you (or to always have known) has allowed me to be honest. Truly honest. And that strips away my sadness.

How can I trust a handful of beings that wants me to get stoned and then approach? How can I trust a group of beings that wants to construct a narrative that can never be fully reproduced with trust? It's almost as if you just wish to brush me with fairy dust and let me stew in the aftermath, like a dream that never happened. If things were so important, you would come to me in a language I would be able to understand. You would come to me with sincerity and openness. And don't try to tell me that speaking in whispers is what has gotten things done for you over the millennium. 

If you have discovered this world, and if Captain Cooke was not the rightful founder of New Zealand and Australia, you can't seem to get your shit together in a way that is organized, forthright, or just. You speak in limericks and parables that you think I, Edgar Phillipe, will accept. I am a human (even though I am a Halfling), and I will not tolerate your bullying. I do not care about prophets, destiny, or expectations. I do not care about saving a world that you lost control of. I am not here to be your janitor, nor your savior. If you want salvation, then be free. Free yourself from the control you seek. Free yourself from the manipulation that you feel you need. We are not babies that need to be swayed. If you are our creators, then you need to accept the responsibility that you didn't "fuck him up", but fucked up this world.

Only when you can free yourselves is when this planet can ultimately be free. We are like the high schoolers that are trying to break free from our parents. You must let us go. We cannot be saved by your hand anymore. 

 

Angst, Aggression, Fuck Average, Amazing

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you've been punched in the gut? Like... you waited to get the job you wanted only to find out that the seeds you once had in your bag unknowingly might prevent you from getting a visa in another country, not to mention barred from two in Asia, possibly more?  Nah, me neither. Angst.

Have you ever wanted to punch everything around you including the air? Like... you decide to take a huge risk and life change only to get knocked down... hard. Like, one of the only hard times in your life you're gonna get knocked down like that. But you get up, don't quit, and keep going. You take time during the adjustment and find a new place, new job, new secondary job, new bicycle, new gym. You reach your goal. You were able to take the step knowing you were going to get knocked down, probably harder than you've ever been knocked down before, but you do it anyway. And you're fine. You make new life plans only to then be kicked in the balls. Everything that you had saved up and worked for to make happen after that huge risk, everything that you gathered together and organized is then threatened for weeks to then be relieved, and then kicked in the balls. Aggression.

I realized that these feelings I have are normal, but the way I'm handling them are pretty average. Whatever is meant to happen always does. But look at the facts. Yeah, I fucked up back in the day unintentionally, unknowingly, and unwittingly for which I am now getting the karma kick in the face for it. But it isn't so bad if I think about it, because I realized that getting a travel ban from two countries means I've been living my life exactly the way I want to. That sounds a bit reckless, but when you've made the promise to yourself already that you're not going to sacrifice your beliefs and who you are for things, especially when you're not hurting a damn person for it, you've got to stick to your guns no matter what the consequences. So fuck average and fuck changing who you are, regardless of the consequences it may bring. Fuck average.

Macro photography--amazing.

Finding Jack 420: The Prequel is coming along VERY nicely. So fun. By the time you read this though you're not going to be able to see the pictures though... but you can download it for FREE :) More later.